Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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