I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
