he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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