He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
