I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
