well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The best revenge is premature balding
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
