He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
