I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
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that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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