just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
