...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
