Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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