Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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