she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize