I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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