Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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