I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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