THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
