On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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