I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
