I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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