You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
