I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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