I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
