That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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