based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
should my penis look like a turkey
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
