I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
