Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dating After Heartbreak
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.