No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He managed to rip my nipple last night....