where does the pee come out of this thing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.