dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
