We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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