Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
