I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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