so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
