I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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