The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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