I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
