Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
