Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
