Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize