Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
