You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
