Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
