"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
