Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
