Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
