new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
