Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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