I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
