Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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