1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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