Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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