I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
