I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
