No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
