So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize