There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
