Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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