Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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