I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
