i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
