i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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