My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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