$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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