I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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